Burgers and B.O.
Today was burger friday!
Yes, I have mentioned it before, burger friday is one of the greatest days of the gol-friggin' week! It is when me and my consorts rock out with or with our cocks out with a serious helping of hamburger deliciousness.
It is my one excuse a week to pollute my body with pure, vile crap and feel awesome about it.
This week we went to Dairy Queen.
First of all, I recognize the pitifulness of that statement. Dairy Queen is hardly a special occaision... UNLESS YOU MAKE IT ONE.
Today I took my Dairy Queen experience to the top of the pyramid and I threw that fucker off. I am now the god that sits atop the pyramid blessing all of those pitiful fools below. My lunch came to nearly fifteen dollars.
You are wondering of course, what the fuck a person gets at Dairy Queen that costs fifteen dollars... LET ME TELL YOU.
You get two double cheeseburgers, a strawberry milkshake and a large poutine... that's right motherfuckin' poutine.
But lets linger on the poutine for a second. Imagine this...
But fill a damn shoebox with it.
That is the size of the large poutine at Dairy Queen.
But I do not want to toot my horn too much because I did share it with another dude.
It was an insane burger friday experience that I am most proud of. If I could choose a word to describe it, that word would be: magical.
I may have had indigestion. I may have clogged my digestive tract for weeks. I may have even given myself heat disease. But I ate that fucker in under twenty minutes and when Saint Peter asks me why I belong in heaven I will tell him about this day.
Burger Friday was super.
But there is another reason I have brought this up today: we did not grade the experience, as is the tradition!
So let me take the opportunity to grade both the burgers and the overall enjoyment.
Burgers:
I ate two double cheeseburgers. That is a total of four beef patties currently clogging my sphincter and that is pretty great. Any time that you can take advantage of a special on FOUR PATTIES you had better get on it. They were simple burgers with pickle, onion, ketchup, mustard and a cheese that could be used as flypaper due to it's unnatural stickiness. These were by no means great burgers, but goddammit, they were great burgers when enjoyed the way that they were.
Rating: 3.5 /10
Overall Experience:
This was pretty magical. I have had fast-food burgers many a time. I have had Dairy Queen burgers many a time but today was something else. it wasn't just that I had good people to share it with. It wasn't just that I had half of a huge box of poutine. It wasn't just that I had a milkshake twice as large as I expected. It was all of these things at once that overloaded my senses and surpassed all expectations. This was not the greatest burger Friday of all time, but it will be remembered just as well...
20x20, i'm coming for you.
Rating: 7.3 /10
In other news:
I have spontaneously come up with a science experiment out of my own ridiculous curiosity.
Because What We Need More of is Science!
I was just looking at myself longingly in the mirror as I often do and thinking about how odd the male form is with all of its hair. I began to think to myself, "I wonder why, evolutionarily, we have all that hair..." It is quite obvious that the hair on our heads is meant to keep us warm in the winter and cool in the summer but why the fuck does my bellybutton need to have hair, and my armpits... what the shit is that?! After giving this some more thought I recalled reading somewhere that the reason we have B.O. is because of bacteria that thrive in the wet and warm environment of our armpits and how they may remain in our armpit hair making us smellier. This is all unpleasant to think about for you I'm sure, but don't you wonder if that is correct? Do we smell worse for having armpit hair? If so, why don't dudes just shave it off?
I AM GOING TO FIND OUT!
That's right. Through the power of science I am going to learn if it smells worse to have armpit hair or not!
I am going to have live two separate days and do the exact same thing, wearing the exact same deoderant, one with armpit hair, one without and at the end, we will find out which is better!
I will keep you informed of my findings because this is science that is important!
THIS IS WHY I SHOULD BE PRIME MINISTER.
-DT
Yes, I have mentioned it before, burger friday is one of the greatest days of the gol-friggin' week! It is when me and my consorts rock out with or with our cocks out with a serious helping of hamburger deliciousness.
It is my one excuse a week to pollute my body with pure, vile crap and feel awesome about it.
This week we went to Dairy Queen.
First of all, I recognize the pitifulness of that statement. Dairy Queen is hardly a special occaision... UNLESS YOU MAKE IT ONE.
Today I took my Dairy Queen experience to the top of the pyramid and I threw that fucker off. I am now the god that sits atop the pyramid blessing all of those pitiful fools below. My lunch came to nearly fifteen dollars.
You are wondering of course, what the fuck a person gets at Dairy Queen that costs fifteen dollars... LET ME TELL YOU.
You get two double cheeseburgers, a strawberry milkshake and a large poutine... that's right motherfuckin' poutine.
But lets linger on the poutine for a second. Imagine this...
But fill a damn shoebox with it.
That is the size of the large poutine at Dairy Queen.
But I do not want to toot my horn too much because I did share it with another dude.
It was an insane burger friday experience that I am most proud of. If I could choose a word to describe it, that word would be: magical.
I may have had indigestion. I may have clogged my digestive tract for weeks. I may have even given myself heat disease. But I ate that fucker in under twenty minutes and when Saint Peter asks me why I belong in heaven I will tell him about this day.
Burger Friday was super.
But there is another reason I have brought this up today: we did not grade the experience, as is the tradition!
So let me take the opportunity to grade both the burgers and the overall enjoyment.
Burgers:
I ate two double cheeseburgers. That is a total of four beef patties currently clogging my sphincter and that is pretty great. Any time that you can take advantage of a special on FOUR PATTIES you had better get on it. They were simple burgers with pickle, onion, ketchup, mustard and a cheese that could be used as flypaper due to it's unnatural stickiness. These were by no means great burgers, but goddammit, they were great burgers when enjoyed the way that they were.
Rating: 3.5 /10
Overall Experience:
This was pretty magical. I have had fast-food burgers many a time. I have had Dairy Queen burgers many a time but today was something else. it wasn't just that I had good people to share it with. It wasn't just that I had half of a huge box of poutine. It wasn't just that I had a milkshake twice as large as I expected. It was all of these things at once that overloaded my senses and surpassed all expectations. This was not the greatest burger Friday of all time, but it will be remembered just as well...
20x20, i'm coming for you.
Rating: 7.3 /10
In other news:
I have spontaneously come up with a science experiment out of my own ridiculous curiosity.
Because What We Need More of is Science!
I was just looking at myself longingly in the mirror as I often do and thinking about how odd the male form is with all of its hair. I began to think to myself, "I wonder why, evolutionarily, we have all that hair..." It is quite obvious that the hair on our heads is meant to keep us warm in the winter and cool in the summer but why the fuck does my bellybutton need to have hair, and my armpits... what the shit is that?! After giving this some more thought I recalled reading somewhere that the reason we have B.O. is because of bacteria that thrive in the wet and warm environment of our armpits and how they may remain in our armpit hair making us smellier. This is all unpleasant to think about for you I'm sure, but don't you wonder if that is correct? Do we smell worse for having armpit hair? If so, why don't dudes just shave it off?
I AM GOING TO FIND OUT!
That's right. Through the power of science I am going to learn if it smells worse to have armpit hair or not!
I am going to have live two separate days and do the exact same thing, wearing the exact same deoderant, one with armpit hair, one without and at the end, we will find out which is better!
I will keep you informed of my findings because this is science that is important!
THIS IS WHY I SHOULD BE PRIME MINISTER.
-DT
posted by Dave @ 8:24 PM
3 Comments:
At 1:02 AM,
Anonymous said…
" I am going to have live two separate days and do the exact same thing, wearing the exact same deoderant, one with armpit hair, one without and at the end, we will find out which is better!
I will keep you informed of my findings because this is science that is important! "
dave, save yourself a day and just shave one armpit. then you can just compare both sides at the end of the day. best of luck with your experiment.
At 12:17 PM,
Anonymous said…
to be completely scientifico, you need another smeller. someone else to judge your smelliness.
also, you should make sure you do some good sweat-inducing activity. i smell a series in the works!
At 3:23 PM,
natalie said…
oh yeah!
we did forget to rate the burgers! damn!
wow... well, i give my chicken burger with flame thrower sauce a 6.5/10
fries 5.5/10 (they were totally cheap with them! 15 fries? gimme a break!)
overall experience 8/10 (watching you eat a shoebox of poutine was the highlight)
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